wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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