I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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