Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
