dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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