Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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