i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
