I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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