did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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