The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
