not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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