I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hippo gnu deer
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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