Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
