I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
