my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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