So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Randomize
