Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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