clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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