If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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