WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
