do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
