my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize