Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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