cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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