he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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