please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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