in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So apparently I’m into choking now
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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