Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Randomize
