Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
