Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize