a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
