wanna go halves on a baby?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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