no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
