I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
