I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
