I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
