I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
