Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I am naked and annoyed.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
