the day after is always just damage control
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
