I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
