you guys were way drunker than both of me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
