Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
