I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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