Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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