i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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