You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
