I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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