Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
