Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
