In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I fill condoms, not promises.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
