Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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