So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
