It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
