I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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