I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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