I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
babies were throwing up all over the place
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
