He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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