Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
