I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
