so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
