3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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