I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
