I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize