Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
