It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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